


Don't let me drown

by Lilith_126



Series: Let the music be the muse tonight. [1]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bathing/Washing, Boyfriends, Daddy Kink, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Geralt is so soft I can't even, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Music, M/M, Masturbation in Bathroom, Mental Health Issues, Praise Kink, Smoking, Weed, depressed!Jaskier, everything is okay now don't worry, good luck to me, helping!Geralt, semicolon tattoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:42:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22615819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_126/pseuds/Lilith_126
Summary: “Don’t let me drown” Jaskier said, looking at Geralt with sad open eyes over his shoulder.“I won’t let you, silly” Geralt tightened the grip on his hip, soft smile curling up his lips. But then, he understood the words when he looked at Jaskier’s puffy, glassy eyes, and his smile went a bit dark.“I’ll drag you out alive” he whispered softly, and curled his free arm over Jaskier chest, sinking his head on the crook of his neck.A promise, far deeper than a statement, made in that bath tub. A bound. A life vow.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Let the music be the muse tonight. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627174
Comments: 12
Kudos: 185





	Don't let me drown

**Author's Note:**

> Hi floks!! So here it is, my first fic in years, first in this site. I've been obsessing hard over theese two for a while now, and the story just popped up in my head and I had to let it spill on my keyboard. English is not my first language so I apollogise in advance for mistakes or overuse of some words or expressions. Be kind and let me know what you think about it! Crostructive criticism is more than welcomed.
> 
> CW: there is mention of past self-harm due to mental health issues, present mental health struggles and a tiny graphic sentence about self harm. If you are triggered in any way by this, please don't keep reading. 
> 
> I hope all of you struggling with mental health issues are save and doing as best as you can. Remember, you matter.

Geralt opened his eyes slowly, bad dream fading as he rolled over his stomach under the comforter. Still not fully awake, he massaged his temples. He felt like he has been sleeping for ages, but as he glanced over the alarm clock on Jaskier’s nightstand, he realised it were only a few hours. It was 4 in the morning, the sky black and fully-starred outside the french glass doors of the bedroom. Jaskier wasn't there beside him, and he felt his heart ache just a bit. His boyfriend was a bit of a night owl, and Geralt himself had the habit of going to bed maybe too soon, to be fully ready at 6 AM to start the day. But an empty bed at 4AM? That wasn't normal. Jaskier’s pillows were untouched, and his rings were nowhere to be found in his nightstand. With only his black pajama pants on, hanging very low on his hips, Geralt got out of bed and put his long white hair away from his eyes, tying it on a loose bun, and headed downstairs to find Jaskier. 

As he entered the living room, he saw a couple candles lit on the counter of the open kitchen, some notebooks, scraps of paper, ashtray half-full of cigarette butts and some empty packs of cookies. Clearly, Jaskier’s leftovers when he could not sleep. The lavender scent from the candles distracted him for a second, as he heard sounds coming from the backyard. The glass doors were open, and a couple more candles peaked, on top of the white wood table outside, tilting with the soft breeze of the ocean, just a mile away. Geralt headed outside to find Jaskier sitting in one of the padded benches, lightly strumming his guitar, curling barefooted on his seat, with his legs crossed over the cushion. He had his eyes sore and puffy, big hoodie with the zipper open on, dirty white tshirt and green brief boxers. 

Geralt smiled with longing and fondness. A sudden memory filled his head, a memory about that magical spring night, almost 5 years ago, at Yen’s 26th birthday party. 

* * *

_ “ _ _ Can’t sleep?” Jaskier almost jumped from the sofa he was sitting on when he heard Geralt’s voice. “Sorry, I didn't want to scare you” The big man chuckled.  _

_ “Did I wake you? I’m sorry, I wasn’t tired and I thought you were upstairs with Yen and Triss” Jaskier sounded a bit concerned.  _

_ “They are upstairs, yes. And their moans are the reason I can’t sleep” Geralt said with a smirk, lifting his eyebrows.  _

_ Jaskier laugh under his breath, understanding that no one on that house was sleeping despite it was 2 am and they all had a pretty long day of pool, barbecue, drinking games and birthday fun. The party seemed to still go on in Yen’s bedroom, apparently. Geralt sat beside Jaskier as he closed the zip of his black hoodie, tidying it over his gray shorts. It was a bit chilly, even though it was already April, but it was a beautiful night. The full moon was reflecting over the pool, lighting up Yen’s backyard patio.  _

_ “What were you playing?” Geralt said, getting comfy on the sofa. _

_ “Oh, just old songs. Nothing really exciting. Just trying not to think too much” _

_ “Pink Floyd is not old. It’s a fucking classic” he said, making the fakest pout. Jaskier smiled and his eyes lit up. _

_ “Why did you ask if you already knew!?” They both laughed softly as Jaskier kept bringing the first notes of ‘Wish you were here’ with his guitar, a bit louder than before, knowing he wouldn't wake anyone.  _

_... _

So, so you think you can tell

Heaven from hell

Blue skies from pain

_ … _

_ Mellow as a calmed sea, another voice joined.  _

_ … _

Can you tell a green field

From a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

_... _

_ “Wow I didn't know you could sing!” Jaskier stopped playing. _

_ “Why, because I'm just a big guy who spends all of his time at the gym or playing video games? I have my talents, too, you know? I'm not just a college jock. I never really was” Geralt tried to sound offended, masking his amusement at Jaskier’s facial expression. “Don't make that face, I heard you talk with Triss earlier”. _

_ Jaskier blushed hard. It was true, he had said that. But just to avoid Triss trying to mingle with his brain when she said Geralt has been asking Yen about him. The boys had known each other for a while now, but never had a big relationship. Geralt and Jaskier just happened to be best friends with Yen and Triss, respectively. They have been going out with them since the two girls started dating a few months ago, but they never really made more than a light friendship. _

_ “Sorry. I was drunk, and Triss was bugging in my ear about you and I was just thinking she was making fun of me.” He tripped a bit over his words. _

_ Silence filled the space between them for a few moments, Jaskier’s bright blue eyes meeting Geralt’s honey golden irises.  _

_ “Wanna keep showing me your singing?” Jaskier finally broke the silence, playing again the tune on his guitar.  _

_ “I’d rather hear you playing while I finish that” Geralt pointed at a half blown joint sitting on the empty can of beer Jaskier was using as an ashtray. “I may be decent at singing, but I didn't want to disrupt your chilling moment” _

_ “You didn't” Jaskier smiled, and rolled the long sleeves from his teal shirt and started playing again.  _

_ Geralt noticed a little tattoo on the inner side of his right hand as he started to pick the strings. He looked closely: a semicolon. Black, tiny and simple. He felt a heartbeat skip on his chest as his eyes focused on the tangle of thin scars under the tattoo, white and healed, but visible. But he decided not to ask about those. _

_ “A semicolon?” he said softly looking at Jaskier’s wrist. “It’s a pretty tiny tattoo compared with the other ones you have” Jaskier had both his upper arms decorated with black line tattoos, resembling botanical studies of buttercups, lavender, jasmin, and a couple more Geralt could not identify; on his left ribs, an intricate drawing of a lark; on his right thigh, what seemed to be some sort of old lute, black lines with some herbal decorations. Jaskier stiffed a bit, and didn't say anything for a while, just kept playing. Geralt felt like he just ficked it up. _

_ "It's just a reminder" Jaskier said with what seemed was... longing?. Geralt met his eyes, but did not speak. "Sorry, it's kind of personal. I’d rather not explain right now".  _

_ More silence. _

_ "Maybe one day." Geralt finally said, lighting the joint and let the smoke fill both his lungs and the bitter silence between then.  _

_ "Yeah, maybe". _

* * *

  
  


Geralt recognized the few light notes from the instrument, a song that Jaskier usually played when it was not his best moment. As a way of letting Jaskier know he was there, Geralt started to sing along softly with the melody.

…

_ One more moment of this silence _

_ The loneliness is haunting me _

_ And the weight of the worlds getting harder to hold up _

…

Jaskier kept playing while he looked to the door, smiling faintly, watching Geralt with his arms crossed over his bare broad chest, leaning over the door frame. They looked at each other in the eyes and Geralt had a concerned look that he tried to hide as best as he could, and just kept singing with Jaskier looking at him with something that he recognised: guilt and sadness.

…

_ It comes in waves, I close my eyes _

_ Hold my breath and let it bury me _

_ I'm not OK and it's not alright _

_ Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again _

…

  
  


Jaskier stopped playing when Geralt sat by his side, cupping his face with one hand, as he stretched the other arm over the back of the bench. 

“Hi”. Soft, loving, calming, concerned.

“Hi”. Softer, whispered, sad, broken.

“Bed feels empty without you, little lark” He tried his best not to sound sad, but sweet and loving. His thumb was rubbing Jaskier lips, swollen from the continuous biting he always did when he was anxious. Jaskier leaned on his hand, brushing his cheek over Geralt big calloused palm. 

“Sorry. Couldn’t sleep.” Jaskier said, guilt still filling his words.

“Working?” Geralt asked.

“No. The muses are eluding me tonight. I was just… I don’t know. I’m tired but my brain is going fast and I can’t really focus on anything. Sleep seems to elude me, too”

Geralt knew what was happening. Jaskier didn't need to explain. 

"Maybe sleep has met you before" Geralt said smiling livingly. Jaskier laughed, recognising the quote. His expression softened a bit. 

Jaskier left the guitar sit aside and kissed Geralt softly below the jaw. "It's late, Daddy. You should get back to bed. Yen will be angry in the morning if you show up late or with a sleepy face for work". 

"Don't worry about that now, baby. This is more important"  _ you are more important. _ He held Jaskier between his arms as his boyfriend let his head rest on his hairy chest, both silent for a moment, losing themselves on the touch of their bodies. 

"When was the last time you showered?" Geralt said softly as he was running his fingers through Jaskier's nape and up his hair. He didn’t ask because Jaskier was dirty or smelly, but because he knew where to look at for those horrible signs of depression creeping back to fill Jaskier’s life. 

"What day is it?" Jaskier closed his eyes, trying to remember.

"It will be Wednesday morning in a couple of hours, little lark."

"Then… three days." He felt guilty confessing that secret to Geralt. He knew he worried about his illness, sometimes too much, when he could just do too little. Not an easy thing to deal with.

"Wanna sink in a hot bath with me and just chill a bit?" A bath. It always relaxed him. Especially when Geralt joined. Jaskier nodded. Geralt hold him tighter and kiss him in the top of the head, sinking his nose in Jaskier’s brown locks and breathing him in. He closed his eyes to avoid tears from falling. He could not even imagine the pain his sweet Jaskier was bearing. It left him broken every time he saw that sweet boy struggle with such a big illness. At least, it was better now. Better than 8 years ago… 

He shook the thought out of his head and broke the tight embrace just enough to look at Jaskier. "Then roll a fat joint and I will be getting the bath ready". He gave Jaskier a sweet wet kiss, and Jaskier moaned a bit. Whining at the loss, he opened his eyes, as Geralt stood up and disappeared through the living room, gathering the candles from the kitchen and heading upstairs. 

Geralt went into their room and into the ensuite bathroom. He placed the candles near the sink, headed to the giant round hot tub below the big panoramic window and grabbed the matches to lit the other three candles sitting on the thin long shelf. He opened the hot water faucet and let the tub fill as he grabbed the bowl full of Lush’s bath bombs Triss got Jaskier for his birthday last month. Geralt picked a blue and green one, remembering Jaskier had said it was his favourite because it smelled like the sea on a winter day. 

By the time the tub was half full and the bath bomb had stopped to fizzle, Jaskier entered the room with a big blunt joint and a clean little glass ashtray, and a big smile started to peek from his lips when he saw Geralt stretch to turn the water off. 

"Ready?" Geralt said, sweet smile masking his constant worry. 

Jaskier nodded as Geralt approached him, holding his face with both of his big hands, rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs as he was peppering sweet kisses over his face. He couldn't but smile softly, relaxing a bit under the touch. Big hands drifted from his face and started undressing him. Geralt got his hoodie softly out of his arms, letting it fall to the floor. Then, he slowly slid the tshirt up, out of Jaskier’s head, and let it fall back on top of the hoodie. When he kneeled to get the green brief boxers out, he kissed Jaskier chest, his belly, all the way down his hips while caresing his sides. Jaskier shivered with the touch, goosebumps all over his body, feeling the almost adoring touch. Getting the boxers down, he stepped aside out of them, and Geralt stood to look at his sweet boy deep in the eye with adoring candor, as if he was the one that hung the moon. Jaskier wrapped his arms around Geralt’s neck, pulling the loose strands of white hair behind Geralt’s ear. They kissed chastely and Geralt got out of his pants, "no underwear for the surprise of no one" said Jaskier, rolling his eyes with a cheeky smile. Geralt chuckled and shook his head. "Let's get you in before you get cold". Geralt stepped inside and sank softly into the hot water, arms stretched inviting Jaskier in. Admiring that hulking broad body sink, his cock gave a twitch. He followed and got in with a sight, hot water making him shiver at the touch. Geralt cuddled him in his arms, broad muscular chest to toned soft back, as he seated himself against the bath wall, letting the moonlight soak into their right side through the big window. Not letting go of Jaskier, he started sliding his fingers up and down his chest, brushing the soft bush of dark hair curling up from the heat of the water, soft nails over his collarbones. Jaskier closed his eyes, leaning his head back to rest on Geralt’s shoulder, getting lost at the touch as his not-so-soft-anymore cock twitched again. 

"Mmm… this is nice" Jaskier said. Geralt kissed him softly, neck, cheek, temple, ear, brushing his nose along Jaskier’s skin. His hands moved to stroke his belly under the light blue tinted water. "Just relax, and let go all the worries. Focus on you breathing. I've got you, my sweet thing. Just breathe." Geralt grabbed a big bottle of purple liquid soap from the shelf, squirted a dollop on his hand and started to scrub Jaskier. Chest, shoulders, armpits, all the way down his toned arms to his wrists as Jaskier closed his eyes again and let the bigger man handle his body, letting the soft smell of plum juice from the soap to fill his nose. Geralt rubbed his right wrist, thumb brushing over the semicolon tattoo and faded scars, and he closed his eyes as he rested his chin over Jaskier’s head and buried his nose on his brown mape of hair once again, breathing his sweet scent. A single tear glided silently down his cheek, and it hurt. It hurt as bad as the first time Jaskier had told him about it… 

* * *

_ "Stop staring again, you twerp! Still not going to tell you." Jaskier snapped after catching Geralt staring silently at his semicolon tattoo for the hundredth time that night. "Sorry" Geralt said softly, hardening the expression on his face, jaw clenched, looking away and fixing his golden eyes into his half empty pint of beer, the sixth of the night. Jaskier felt a bit of compassion after saying that maybe a bit harsher than intended. He was pretty drunk, so he tried to compose himself a bit. Low soft voice, as if he was revealing an ancient truth, leaning a bit over the booth table, he started to speak. "The scars won't fade and disappear, you know? No matter how hard you look at them." Jaskier looked at Geralt with a faint smile. He was still focusing on his beer, face down. "It's been a long time. They don't hurt anymore. And I don't mean just physically." Geralt look up and met his gaze then, silently, as Jaskier brushed the other man's forearm softly. "They don't hurt anymore." he repeated slowly.  _

_ After a few minutes of silence, Geralt finally spoke, his head going a thousand miles per hour. Jaskier still had his hand over his naked forearm, just resting there, letting him silently know he could finally ask, not just about the tattoo.  _

_ "How long has it been?" Geralt couldn't look up, body stiff and voice deep and serious, as he tried to tidy his thoughts and look for the right words.  _

_ "It's been a bit over two years." A moment of silence passed, filled with the music from the pub and the cheers and laughs from the people dancing feet away from their table. He then answered Geralt’s silent question. "I got the semicolon tattoo a year ago, after I was out of the hospital and the scars were fully healed." Jaskier noticed Geralt tensed, and he tried to bring some light to the situation. "I was in a very bad place. Had been for a long time, maybe more than I thought. The last time… " he paused, grabbing his own wrist as if he could feel the razor tearing his skin and muscles again. Geralt’s guts clenched and his heart stopped, an invisible rope wrapped around his lungs, tying hard. "I almost didn't make it." Jaskier closed his eyes to avoid the tears to grow. "Triss found me when she got home -we were already living together, but in another flat, near campus. Next thing I remember, I woke up at the hospital. Long story short, that was the moment I decided I needed help.That I wanted out of all that pain. The hospital had a mental health wing, so I stayed there for almost twelve months, going through therapy, taking medication and healing. I missed two full terms at uni, but it was worth it."  _

_ Geralt didn’t know how to articulate words anymore. He felt his blood boil with impotence. He felt helpless. All that pain, all of that suffering, caged inside the small body of the guy in front of him, always so full of life, so ridiculously flamboyant, so cheerful, so beautiful… Inside the small body of the guy he's been crushing on even harder since that late night at Yen's three weeks ago, singing soft songs together, talking, getting high, drinking, laughing and cuddling until the sun rose up again as they drifted to sleep, limbs and hands tangled, scattered all over that sofa. At his loss of words, he decided to just hold Jaskier hands over the table, looking at them, brushing his fingers over the scars, as he wished to just fade the bad memories away with his fingertips. "It's a reminder." Jaskier said, squeezing his hands, sliding over the bench until his knees touched, not a table between them anymore. Geralt looked at him with glassy eyes, teary gold clashing with vivid blue. "A reminder that i'm still here, that i'm still alive. Every day I get to still be here, i’m grateful for."  _

_ Jaskier paused and lowered his voice, a mere whisper under the music and the noise from the bar.  _

_ "Even more grateful since the day I heard you sing for the first time." _

  
  


_ “For the love of everything that’s holly, FUCKING FINALLY!!!!” Yen couldn't help but scream while approaching the booth, holding hands with a very smiling and happy Triss. The two boys smiled, breaking the wet kiss they had been sharing for what felt forever and at the same time, just a fraction of a second, laughing with fire lighting their eyes as they met.  _

_ Bright blue; bright gold.  _

  
  


* * *

After a few minutes -or a century, Jaskier really couldn't tell anymore- he opened his eyes suddenly, feeling a soapy hand palming over his cock, another one cupping his balls tight. “I need to make sure this is also very clean…” Jaskier shivered, moaning softly at the touch. He felt like he was melting over Geralt. His big hand started fisting around his length, balls tight, mouth opened, almost drooling, his hips thrusting up into the sensation, overwhelming and delicious “I also like this kind of singing very, very much, little lark…” His mouth was all over Jaskier’s neck, breathing warmly and leaving wet filthy kisses all along, sinking his teeth softly every now and then. Jaskier moaned desperately, his hips moving under the unforgivingly slow pace of Geralt’s big calloused hands.

“Oh my Go- Geralt, please… please, Daddy I ca- oooohhh”

“Shhh, I got you, my sweet boy. I got you. Just relax. Blank your mind, just focus on your pleasure, Jas… I wanna hear you sing... Oh that sweet sounds you know I love…”

Jaskier was all moans and pants, pleas, heavy breathing, hands digging into Geralt’s muscular thighs, holding on for dear live. Geralt sweet voice praising him, his words dripping and filling his heart with sweet raw honey, pouring warm inside of his chest, as he was progressively speeding up his fisting on his rock hard cock. He tried to blank his mind and focus just on the pleasure, waves crashing inside his chest, filling his lungs with seasalt and lust, with Geralt’s scent, with the candles dripping lavender and camomile... His mind blurred as he heard Geralt say “Come on, my little lark, let it go. Come for me. Come for Daddy…” Jaskier felt the world fall under him, pleasure collapsing his lungs, as he reached that delicious peak of lust... Until he came under the water harder than expected, panting, tears rolling down his flushed cheeks, while Geralt kept milking him, shushing him, cradling him. 

His mind blanking, 

waves of pleasure coming and going, 

filling his heart, 

lifting

him

to

that 

special 

place

...

  
  


Geralt brushed his cheeks and Jaskier opened his eyes just a bit, eyelids heavy, coming out of the high. “There you are.” Big smile on his big man, holding him tight, brushing his nose against his ear for an instant, or maybe an eternity…

When he was full back on Earth, Geralt got his hands out of the soapy water and Jaskier’s pout made him smile. "Just gonna get this, I'm not going anywhere, love" As he was speaking, Geralt dried his hands on the small towel over the shelf, grabbed the joint and lit it, puffing a couple of times, then offering it to Jaskier.

"You really shouldn't be smoking if you plan on going to work in a couple hours" Jaskier joked lightly, grabbing the joint after he dried his hands a bit on the towel Geralt had handed him. "Shh, that's not important right now, love. Just chill and relax. I've got you." Geralt held Jaskier closer, if that was even possible, as ash started to fall into the water. Dense smoke filled the room, and they just smoked and relaxed in a very blissful shared silence. Jaskier offered the joint back to Geralt once more, but he refused, shaking his head. Jaskier finished the now tiny smoking blunt, put it out on the tiny glass ashtray and handed it back to Geralt. 

Jaskier felt like he was floating; mind clear; heart full; cock spent. Geralt kept caresing his arm softly in and out of the now just warm water, holding his own head on his palm, elbow over the bath wall. Jaskier felt really tired real quick, although he was not very sleepy. He adjusted himself over Geralt’s chest when he felt like sliding forward down, and Geralt hold him by the hip. The dark thoughts miles away now from his mind, but he felt a slight punch in the heart at the memory, and tangled his fingers over g soft grip on his hip under the water.

“Don’t let me drown” Jaskier said looking at Geralt with sad open eyes over his shoulder. 

“I won’t let you, silly” Geralt tightened the grip on his hip, soft smile curling up his lips. But then, he understood the words when he looked at Jaskier’s puffy, glassy eyes, and his smile went a bit dark.  “I’ll drag you out alive” he whispered softly, and curled his free arm over Jaskier chest, sinking his head on the crook of his neck. 

A promise, far deeper than a statement, made in that bath tub. 

A bound. 

A life vow.

When the weight of the world would get too hard for Jaskier to hold up,

Geralt will drag the lake and bring him home again. 

He will fix him then.

Dive in when he’s down.

Save Jaskier from himself.

**_He won't let him drown._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!! <3 <3 <3 
> 
> Songs included on this fic are: 
> 
> Wish You Where Here by Pink Floyd  
> Drown by Bring Me The Horizon


End file.
